The drink of the summer is Sparkling Milk?

Latter-Day egg creams and the seltzer matrix you need

Egg creams are hiding in Utah. 

Over the last decade, the Mormon ban on coffee and tea has sparked an ice-cold “dirty soda” craze. Franchise chains mash up caffeinated soda syrups with flavored dairy creamers. One drink (“Cloud 9”) mixes Mountain Dew, half-and-half, plus coconut, pineapple, and blue raspberry syrups. 

The trend blew up on TikTok, and Pepsi tried so hard to institutionalize Sparkling Milk that they brought Lindsay Lohan out of near-retirement for a Christmas commercial where she makes “Pilk” and cookies for Santa. 

These are not egg creams, but they’re not far off. A glass of milk may not be very Jewish,¹ but add seltzer, and we’re getting somewhere. 

Lindsay Lohan making a Christian egg cream

Google “best egg cream recipe” and you’ll see a thousand nearly identical results. Some standard amount of milk (a few ounces), an eyeballed dose of seltzer (“top off the glass”), plus a big squirt of a certain chocolate syrup that I won’t name but U Bet it contains more water, sugar, and corn syrup than it does chocolate. ²

It’s easy to end up with an inconsistent egg cream halfway between watered-down milk and sorta-flat seltzer. It’s not chocolatey enough, it’s not creamy enough, it’s not sparkly enough. It’s not enough of itself.   

Many egg creams sit in this sad uncanny valley between drink and dessert, begging the question: “when would I drink an egg cream, let alone make one?”

The answer: yes. 

Egg creams are supremely flexible. Frothy and decadent or bright and refreshing.

We’ll explore both paths below, with amped-up takes on classic flavors and light, new-age egg creams to replace that trendy probiotic soda you keep seeing on Instagram. 

As a best practice, pick your dairy depending on your drinking occasion:

• Whole: The classic, light egg cream, ideal for a summer barbecue

• Half-and-Half: A more balanced egg cream that’s perfect as an afternoon treat

• Cream: A rich egg cream, great for a standalone dessert or sweet little nightcap

If you’re dairy-free, stick to naturally creamy alt milks like cashew (good), macadamia (better), or coconut milk (best). The latter is especially great with reduced pineapple juice for a piña colada egg cream.

Something for milkheads and vegans alike: pistachio milk, which offers enough nutty sweetness for a beautifully emerald-hued egg cream, no syrup needed. 

All seltzers are not the same. For the best egg cream, you’re looking for sparkling water with minimum flavor and maximum fizz. See below.

To be clear, I really love Spindrift, but not in my egg cream, no way, not ever

If the Brooklyn egg cream was invented today, it would taste a whole lot more like anything, and have some heavily-trademarked Starbucks name like Cocoa Foam™ Nitro Tonic or Chocolate Sparkle Shake™.

That’s this egg cream. We’re amping up the frothiness, flavor, and carbonation by working milk directly into sweet, light custard sauces, and stirring those concentrated flavor bombs directly into seltzer, no milk needed.

They take about 10 minutes apiece and are worth the extra effort. Whatever you don’t use goes great over ice cream, in a latte, or over pancakes. 

A couple pro tips:

• To keep your foam milky-white, stir in your concentrate after adding your seltzer

• Taller, thinner glasses keep your egg cream from going flat

• Ice is a no-go, so freeze your glass a few minutes prior to pouring

Chocolate Egg Cream Concentrate

1. Bring equal parts sugar and milk to a simmer in a saucepan or the microwave, just until the sugar is dissolved.

2. For chocolate concentrate: Whisk in an equal part of cocoa powder, a hefty dash of salt, plus a big pinch of instant coffee, if you’ve got it, which’ll add some nice depth. 

3. Crack in a one whole egg for every half-cup of sugar and whisk quickly until combined. Keep stirring on low heat just until hot to the touch. Cool. 

Vanilla Egg Cream Concentrate

1. Crack two egg yolks into a saucepan with a cup of sugar, and whisk it all up.

2. Microwave a cup of cream (or whole milk) with a hefty tablespoon of vanilla until hot to the touch. Slowly pour the vanilla milk into the saucepan while whisking for your life, until fully combined. 

3. If there’s any chunky bits in your sauce, no worries! Just strain or blend, then cool. 

The New York Times says Superiority Burger is NYC’s eighth-best restaurant; I say it serves NYC’s best egg cream. Their “Pandan Colada” is a seltzer-fueled coconut mocktail laced with mint-green pandan, an ultra-floral vanilla alternative popular in South Asian desserts. 

It’s the kind of indie egg cream that I didn’t know egg creams could be. Light, refreshing, summery, new.

Below, find a list of insanely easy syrups to build a similar Sparkling Milk of your dreams. Just heat and stir the ingredients listed, either on the stovetop or in the microwave. 

For these, use 1 part syrup to 1 part milk to 2 parts seltzer.

• Caramelized Honey: honey, reduced until dark amber, plus an equal part water

• Maple: maple syrup, reduced by half, plus a dash of salt

• Gingerbread: 1 part water, 1 part molasses, a lot of allspice, cinnamon, ginger; a little bit of cloves and nutmeg

• Horchata: 1 part water (rice or almond milk is better!), 2 parts sugar, cinnamon, vanilla or almond extract

• Literally Any Fruit: 1 part water, 1 part good jam, reduced until it coats the back of your spoon

• Piña Colada: pineapple juice, reduced by half (and sub your milk for coconut milk) 

• Espresso: 2 parts sugar, 1 part water, 1 part instant coffee or expresso powder

• London Fog: 1 part water, 2 parts honey, a few Earl Grey tea bags, some vanilla 

• Chai: 1 part water, 2 parts sugar, a few chai tea bags

• Mint: 1 part water, 1 part sugar (turbinado will add some depth!), handful of fresh, torn mint leaves

• Matcha: 1 part matcha powder, 1 part sugar, 1 part water

• Irish Cream: 2 parts sugar, 2 parts water, 1 part cocoa powder, 1 part instant coffee, a little whiskey

• Sour Syrup: your favorite kombucha, reduced until it coats the back of your spoon 

• Root Beer: good root beer, reduced until it coats the back of your spoon 

• Cereal Milk: instant of a syrup, just steep your milk in an equal amount of corn flakes overnight, then strain

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That’s it for this episode. Next week: fenugreek. If you liked this newsletter, share it with a friend! It only takes a second, and writing this took me hours.

Oh, and lastly:

1. See: Curb.

2. A huge thanks to

Jolene Handy

for sharing this incredible video of Ina Garten making a traditional egg cream for her husband Jeffrey.